It’s hard to write a blog from a blackberry. It’s even harder to write a blog when your computer finally decides that it’s time to retire after it did you an impeccable and good service for the last 10 years. That is why I haven’t written in the last few days.
I also realized that I needed to do some introspective inventory surrounding one of my areas of vulnerability: CONTROL This soul-searching has been incredibly eye-opening and I discovered that I had yet another tear to cry – the tears of an Imperative Personality, and the realization that it’s been ruining my life, my relationships and making me very difficult to live with.
Oh, how the truth hurts! Most especially when we have it brought to us by the ones we love and hold dearest, our children and our spouse.
I have mentioned before that I have participated in at G.U.T.S retreat with Reggie Adams of Rockin Reggie’s Academy last Fall. Each month we have a GUTS conference call and the last 3 have miraculously been about vulnerability. On this last discussion, we were asked to verbalize our biggest area where we felt most vulnerable and when it was my turn to speak, I shared that I believed mine to be CONTROL. Good job, Vicki. Put it out there – tell the universe that you are struggling with CONTROL and what do you think the world gave me opportunity to work on the next day and every single waking moment since it came out of my mouth: My Imperative thinking and my need to control – EVERYTHING!
My last blog was about Emotional Cleansing and since that post, I can tell you that I have been weeding a lot through my Imperative Personality.
I didn’t even realize I was an Imperative Person until I was called on it by my daughter. My critical nature and my judge-mentalitly have all been MY WAY of controlling my world. Another awareness. Another need to seek willingness and find the courage to change. It’s such a mess, this garden of my mind. I have been spending a lot of time disconnected from my heart and from the freedom that comes when we weed. Hypothetically speaking, my weeds were getting to me….and they were getting to my daughter and choking out my relationship with her and others. I knew after the last blog that I needed to pull out the hand mirror once more and take a good, long look at ME. Change always starts with me and I realized that this CONTROL issue keeps coming up – it’s a message that shows up regularly. Honesty with ourselves involves authenticity of the human spirit that occurs when your integrity bares itself to God – for HE knows the truth and when the truth is set upon your minds eye, and you can SEE it, the soul cannot help but to peel open the wounds of the past and work towards peace and tranquility and freedom from the traits that are most likely your greatest strengths, but somehow become your greatest weaknesses.
CONTROL is really a myth. None of us really has control over ourselves and most certainly not over other human beings. The letting go of CONTROL allows the anger to subside, and a freedom to bloom. When the weeds are removed, the sunlight can filter in, the water can rinse the plants and the flowers can grow and blossom.
To that end, I am doing my heart-work and continuing to read a great book about Imperativeness by Dr. Les Carter of the Minirth-Meier Clinic called: Imperative People – Those who must me in Control (How to keep your greatest strength from becoming your greatest weakness)
On page 129 – Dr. Carter shares the following:
“When people live day in and day out behind someone else’s fence of regulations, they eventually look for the escape hatch. Those who get out are often rebellious. Those who remain trapped can become bitter or depressed. ……No one likes to be fenced in. Sooner or later, they’ll begin looking for the gate to freedom.”